"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
