My friends, they love my intelligence
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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