i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
