Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
