I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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