would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
