You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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