Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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