pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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