He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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