My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago