Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
