I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
