tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
