The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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