If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
