you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
