I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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