I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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