Umm I'm too high to move.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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