There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
