Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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