Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
BRING THE BAGELS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
