none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
