Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize