you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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