Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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