I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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