it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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