How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
