I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
one might say we're banned from that church
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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