I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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