Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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