I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He passed out mid-signature
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
