Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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