yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
