Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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