my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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