I just made out with a guy for $7.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm at about main and main street
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
