I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
