..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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