I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dating After Heartbreak
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm