My brain says no but my pants say off.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.