I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.