Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
