the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my poor anus
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
