I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
