Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
