mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
