I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
