ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
