I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
