Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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