I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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