I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
