Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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