I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
