so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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