Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
