he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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